Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
