quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
