So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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