So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
