I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
