I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
