i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
