Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
