you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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