And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
