you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
