wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
