I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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