Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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