Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
