dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im holly from the hills drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
