you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
