Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
