I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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