Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
