I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
