Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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