I think I am morally bankrupt
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize