There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
