No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
