I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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