A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
