The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was like eating out sand paper
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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