I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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