**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
