Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
