You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
