I bet he comes in French.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
