oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
