Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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