he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
