Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
