Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
