I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
