Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
