Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize