oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize