He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
