every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
