Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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