so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can I color on your dick again?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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