Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
