So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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