you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
