I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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