He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize