Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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