don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
