i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
did you just send me my own nude
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize