My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am one with the molecules
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
