OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
