Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
