Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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