Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
