I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize