epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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