my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
