Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
