its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
