Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wear drunk well.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
