Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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