Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
