just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
