every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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