not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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