Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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