You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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