if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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