i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
