im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
