I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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