I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
