yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
