i can't believe i had my finger in that
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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